My dad passed away very suddenly a few weeks ago. He had a massive stroke on Sunday, May 20th and left us on May 23rd. This was so unexpected and has devastated us all. My dad was healthy and young. He was only 56. He just got married in Hawaii in March. It doesn't make sense, but I know everyone has a time to leave. Though he had a lot of life left in him, and we all wanted so much more time with him, it was his time to leave us.
I am trying to figure out how to live life without my dad here. We were very close. He was the best dad, father-in-law, grandpa, mentor, and friend. It is almost impossible to comprehend the fact that I will never talk to him again. He was such a good man. There is not a person in the world that has a bad thing to say about him. I guess it's true what they say...only the good die young. I was off work for a little over three weeks. I went back yesterday and it was very hard. It doesn't seem like normal life should go on without my dad here.
We had his services this past Sunday. We had a beautiful service and reception. My dad's wife found the perfect spot to bury him under a giant palm tree. I didn't want to leave him there, I just want him back, but it is the perfect spot for him. I spoke at his funeral. It was hard, but I wanted to do it. This is what I said:
Saying goodbye to my dad is by far the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. Most of you that know me, know that I was a daddy’s girl growing up, and as an adult, my dad became one of my best friends. We could communicate without words and shared a sense of humor that most people didn’t get. I know how lucky I was to have him as my father. He taught me to be open-minded and gave me life lessons that I will keep with me forever. He was the best dad a girl could ask for. He was also a father figure to my best friends and became a second dad to my husband.
Throughout all of this, the common thing that almost everyone has said to me about my dad is “your dad was a good man” or “your dad had a good heart”. I’ve known that my whole life. His heart was so good in fact, that it is now giving someone else life. It is a comfort to me to know that my dad’s heart is beating in someone else. I hope that person shares my dad’s kindness, sense of humor, and love of life. And I wouldn’t be surprised if that person started drinking iced tea every day and putting salt on everything he or she eats.
We had plans to do so many things together and he had many plans for the rest of his life. We were supposed to go to Vegas this summer to celebrate me and Josh’s 30th birthdays. We were thinking of a family trip to Hawaii next year. While it will be very hard to do those things without him, I know that my dad wants me to continue to live a full and happy life. And I know that he will be with me wherever I go. I have felt him with me and felt his presence since he left us.
My heart is selfishly broken for myself. I wanted more time with him. But it hurts more for my daughter who only had a little more than four years with him. He was supposed to see her grow up and give me advice as she gets older. I wish she had more time with him so that she could really experience what an amazing man he was. They were so close and he loved Alannah so much. I joked that after she was born, I got pushed to second place. Alannah is a lot like her grandpa. I tell her that she has his brain. She is very smart, has a kind heart, has an amazing memory, and is funny just like her grandpa. I hope that even though she is only four years old, that her incredible memory will help her remember her grandpa and the special bond that they shared.
My heart also hurts for Cindy, who was supposed to have many, many more years with my dad. My dad has always been a happy guy, but these last couple of years with Cindy, are the happiest I have seen him in a long time. I know this is supposed to be about my dad, but I would like to take a moment to thank Cindy for making the last years of my dad’s life so happy for him. I wish more than anything that you two could have had more time together, but I am thankful you have come into our lives and you will forever be family. I am so thankful that my dad was able to spend the time with you that he did.
I will miss everything about my dad. He was typically the first person I turned to for advice. He knew everything. I even tried to get him to go on Jeopardy several years ago, since he watched it every night and knew all the answers, but he didn’t want to. He had a rational mind and always knew the right solution to everything. I will miss his cooking and our Sunday dinners. I wish he had written his recipes down, but he stored most of them in his head. But I think what I will miss most is our joking and teasing. Josh and I had a lot of inside jokes with my dad and we were constantly all teasing each other. We would text or email random things to each other and go back and forth with our silly banter. I will miss that dad. Please don’t stop joking with me. By the way, the Old Spice bottle is now yours forever. Funny, funny, ha ha. We thought the other thing would be too inappropriate to put in there with you.
I hope you are enjoying paradise dad. I close my eyes and can see you sitting on a beach with Missy by your side and a cold drink in your hand. Have one waiting for me. We’ll all be together again one day.
He is Gone
You can shed tears that he is gone,
Or you can smile because he lived,
You can close your eyes and pray that he will come back,
Or you can open your eyes and see all that he has left.
Your heart can be empty because you can't see him
Or you can be full of the love that you shared,
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,
Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember him and only that he is gone
Or you can cherish his memory and let it live on,
You can cry and close your mind, be empty and
turn your back,
Or you can do what he would want,
smile, open your eyes, love and go on.
Rest in paradise dad. I miss you more than I ever knew I could miss someone.
No comments:
Post a Comment