Adalynn May

She's finally here! 

It's almost time!

My pregnancy is coming to an end.....and I couldn't be happier! I am not one of those women who enjoys being pregnant.  In fact, I will admit, that I pretty much hate it.  I am very excited about the end result...and of course, would do it all over again for my babies.  But I am thrilled that I only have a couple of weeks left.  I was much better at documenting this pregnancy than the first (via Instagram of course).  My little helper made the pictures much cuter. 

 

We have everything ready (we think).  The nursery is done, we are stocked up on diapers, hospital bag is packed, and the car seat is ready to go.  Now we are just waiting on baby!

We are nervous.  It has been almost six years since we've had a baby.  I know we will do fine.  Alannah is turning out pretty well :)  It's just hard to imagine taking care of a newborn again.

Alannah is excited and ready to be a big sister.  I can't wait to see her interact with her baby sister!

Wish us luck! We will be a family of four any day now! 

First Day of Kindergarten and Soccer

Alannah started kindergarted a couple of months ago.  I am happy to report that she absolutely loves it! Of course I made her take a ton of pictures that morning.  

I had a lot of anxiety leading up to the day.  Mainly because it just makes me sad that she's so grown up.  I was also afraid she wouldn't do well with drop-off.  I really like the way her school did things.  The parents got the stay with the kids on the first day.  Her teacher had activities planned for the kids and went over a lot of stuff with the parents.  It was a good transition for everyone.  The second day was a little hard.  Her teacher has them line up outside their classroom every morning and wave goodbye to the parents.  As soon as they started waving, tears welled up in Alannah's eyes and she was on the verge of crying.  It's a good thing I was wearing sunglasses because it was pretty hard for me as well.  Once we picked her up though, she had a great time.  Drop off was hard for her that first week, but now she goes in her class happy every morning.  

I took pictures of her every morning the first week.  She has been named the fashionista of her class.  

She has made a lot of new friends and I no longer worry about her shyness.  She's a social butterfly.  I'm amazed at how much she has already learned.  She comes home telling me all she learned every day.  She loves her homework and wants to do more than we are supposed to.  She's reading a lot more and I think she'll be reading everything in front of her by the end of the year.  I couldn't be prouder!  

I was volunteering in her class for a while.  My belly is now too big and I am too uncomfortable to help out....so I'm taking a little break.  I loved watching her in class the weeks that I did go.  She sits so patiently and soaks everything in.  I love watching her interact with her friends and teacher.  Her teacher, by the way, is awesome! We had heard good things about her before Alannah even started kindergarten.  

I'm loving having a kindergartener....especially because she loves it SO much! I think next year will be harder (on me) when she is gone all day instead of 3 hours.  She's growing up too fast! 

My cutie in her school picture

A couple of weeks after she started school...she also started soccer.  Alannah is an active girl and loves to stay busy.  She expressed some interest in soccer so we signed her up.  We have found another thing that she loves! And she's surprisingly good at it (from no genes of mine).  I love watching her play.  I never thought I'd be one of those soccer moms yelling on the sidelines...but it just happened naturally :)  And lucky for her, she has her former soccer superstar daddy to help her practice and give her some pointers. 

So, between school, gymnastics (which she is still doing and loving as well), and soccer...Alannah has been pretty busy.  Things are going to get even crazier here in a couple of weeks when she becomes a big sister!

Time to Catch Up…In a Big Way

Life has been crazy busy for the last several months…and filled with a lot of changes in our family.  First and foremost, the most exciting change is that we are getting ready to welcome a baby girl in just a few months! Little sister will be making her debut in late October or early November.  Alannah is very excited to be a big sister! She was overjoyed when we found it that it is a girl.  I think she would have cried if it would have been a boy.  We are all very excited.

It’s hard to believe that it has been six years since I was pregnant with Alannah.  Being the sentimental sap that I am anyway, this pregnancy has reminded me more of how quickly Alannah has grown up and how I wish I could turn her into a little baby again.  We have gone through all of Alannah’s baby clothes (because I am a hoarder and couldn’t part with the majority of them) and I can remember every outfit and a time when she wore everything.  Why does time have to go by so fast?  Sigh. My first baby is off to kindergarten in a little over a week.  It’s so crazy.  I am having a bit of a hard time with it (not letting her know of course).  I realize it’s just kindergarten, but I feel like she is off to college already.   I am excited for her at the same time though.  I know my little smarty pants will excel in school.  She says she is excited and nervous (she is SO my child).  This year is full of exciting changes for her.   In addition to turning 5, starting kindergarten, and becoming a big sister, Alannah will be starting soccer in August.  She is so active and expressed an interest in soccer, so we signed her up.  Recently, she has also started sleeping in her room every night, which has been a big challenge for us.  We have the sleep fairy to thank for this.  She is still doing gymnastics and still loving it. 

We’ve been keeping busy this summer.  In addition to getting ready for baby, we’ve been trying to do lots of fun stuff before Alannah starts school and making sure we enjoy our last few months as a family of three (bittersweet).  We’ve gone to the beach a few times, we went to Disneyland before it got too hot and before my belly got to big, and we took a trip to San Diego and brought our niece along.  The girls are 18-months apart and had a blast.  I thought it would give me a taste of what it’s like having two kids…which is definitely did.  We still have a few more things to check off of our summer bucket list, but we’re making progress…and more importantly, making memories. 

What else is new?  I started a new job in January.  I am working part-time now which I love.  It was hard to leave my old job as I love most of the people I worked with, but it was time.  Working part-time has allowed me to spend more quality time with my family.  I’m hoping to be able to volunteer in Alannah’s classroom once she starts school and be as involved as I can.  I like that I will be home shortly after she gets out of school to help with homework and spend extra time with her…and soon, her little sister.

That’s been our life in a nutshell over the past few months.  We are still missing my dad very much, but I know he is still with us in spirit.  The saying is true, that is does get a little easier with time.  The missing him never goes away, but we are slowly learning that life returns to a new normal.  And it has taught us to embrace life a little more and be thankful for today.  I know the next few months will fly by and the baby will be here before we know it.  I am not one who enjoys pregnancy, but I’m trying to embrace it and enjoy it (as much as I can) because this will be our last.  Stay tuned!

Five Years

Alannah,

It is really hard to believe another year has gone by.  You are a big 5-year-old now.  You will be starting kindergarten this year.  You have been doing so well in preschool and learning so much.  You can count to 100+, you can do some math problems, you recognize several words and are on your way to reading.  I know you're going to do so well in school.  You took swimming lessons over the summer. We were so proud of you for being so brave.  You came out of your shell a lot this past year.  You just moved up again in gymnastics.  You are now in the advanced class with the big girls.  I have a feeling you will be doing back handsprings before you are 6.  You are a little sponge and just pick up everything so fast.  

This past year was also a hard one.  Grandpa died in May, and it has been hard on you.  It has been hard on us all.  But you are my ray of sunshine and you have helped us get through it by always making us laugh and smile.  I know Grandpa is looking down on you all the time and will be with you forever.  He loved you so, so much.  

A part of me is sad that you are growing so fast, but I am so happy that you are healthy, happy and growing into such a beautiful, smart, funny and thoughtful little girl.  I know this year has so much in store for you.  We love you so much! 

Interview with a 5-Year-Old

Keeping with the tradition that I started last year (4-Year-Old Interview), Alannah and I sat down yesterday to do her 5-year-old interview (even though she still has a couple of days until her birthday).  A lot of her answers are still the same...I guess tastes don't change too much from 4 to 5...

1. What is your favorite color? pink
2. What is your favorite toy? McKenna (American Girl gymnastics doll that Santa brought)
3. What is your favorite fruit? strawberries  and mangos
4. What is your favorite tv show? Sophia the First and Full House
5. What is your favorite thing to eat for lunch? "that's a tough one...Wendy's" 
6. What is your favorite outfit?  new purple Hello Kitty dress
7. What is your favorite game? sock monkey game
8. What is your favorite snack? apples without the skin
9. What is your favorite animal? dogs
10. What is your favorite song? "i love you like a love song baby: 
11. What is your favorite book? We're Moving 
12. Who is your best friend? Jillian, Keira, Christina, Haley, Mommy and Daddy 
13. What is your favorite cereal?Life 
14. What is your favorite thing to do outside? blow bubbles 
15. What is your favorite drink? cranberry juice
16. What is your favorite holiday? Christmas 
17. What do you like to take to bed with you at night? Princess Minnie and ruby 
18. What is your favorite thing to eat for breakfast? cereal 
19. What do you want for dinner on your birthday? Miguels
20. What do you want to be when you grow up? waitress 
21. Who is your favorite singer? Taylor swift 

7 years ♥♥♥

Happy 7th anniversary to my hubby! I love you so much and could not have gotten through the past few months without you! You are a good man and I know you always will be because you learned from the best. Just like my dad always said...you're a good boy.

It can only get better from here.

It has been about two and a half months since we lost my dad.  It seems like only yesterday and an eternity at the same time since the last time I saw him.  It is still so hard to believe he’s gone.  These last couple of months have definitely tested my emotions.  As if losing my dad wasn’t enough, we have faced more losses.      

My grandpa passed away on July 13^th.  His health has been declining for quite a while now, but started declining rapidly once my dad passed away.  I know he wanted to go be with his son and not be in pain anymore.  As hard as it was to say goodbye to another family member, I am glad they are together and my grandpa is finally at peace. 

Two days before my dad’s funeral, we found out that we were expecting (surprise!).  This was a surprise and a shock and it had me thinking so many things.  I initially decided right after my dad died (a totally emotional decision) that I didn’t want any more kids because my dad wouldn’t be here to know him or her and vice versa.  But once we found out we were pregnant, it just seemed so meant to be.  My dad had been telling us that we should have another baby.  Josh and I weren’t sure if that’s something we wanted right now.  But once we found out we were pregnant, we got excited and felt it was a gift from my dad. 

Fast forward to the end of July.  I started bleeding and within a couple of days we knew we were having a miscarriage.  It is another sad loss, but I am actually OK with it.  I know that miscarriages happen for a reason.  We are young and healthy and can try again.    But nonetheless, it just added to the rollercoaster of emotions that we have been on lately. 

I have been seeking counseling since my dad died.  I have talked to my counselor about my belief that everything happens for a reason, and she believes the same thing.  I was telling her that being pregnant for two months felt like kind of a waste.  I was sick and had no energy for two months, and I get nothing out of it in the end.  She brought up a very good point.  That maybe the reason behind my pregnancy, even though we lost the baby, was because I needed to slow down.  I don’t think I otherwise would have rested and given myself a break.  Grief and losing someone very close is emotionally and physically exhausting.  My body needed a break.  I needed to veg on the couch for a few weeks.  Everything happens for a reason.  And while I don’t think I will ever understand the reason behind my dad’s early and unexpected death, I do believe that everyone has a time to go.  I read something that said sometimes people go when they are their happiest.  I believe my dad was at one of, if not THE, happiest time(s) in his life. 

In a way, I am glad all of these things have happened at one time.  It is a lot to take in and feels overwhelming at times, but I can deal with all of these losses together and try to make sense of everything.  It has been good to reflect on everything in life and how everything is connected.  I’ve been doing a lot of reading that has made me see some things in a different light. 

I turn 30 tomorrow.   A part of me is dreading it because my dad won’t be here to celebrate with me.  He was making a big deal of me (and Josh) turning the big 3-0 and he wanted to have a big celebration.  His absence will be the hardest.  I miss him more than I ever knew it was possible to miss someone.  But I am also looking forward to turning 30.  I am healthy and have a good life.  My dad would want me to celebrate, so I will, and I will try to have fun.  I am hoping 30 will be much better to me than 29 was.

Someone told me recently that it can only get better from here.  I hope so.       

For Alannah



Alannah,

You are only four and you know that Grandpa has died and that you will not see him anymore, but I don't know how much you really understand it.  I'm afraid that you won't remember him and I want you to know what a special bond the two of you had.  Grandpa loved you so much and I know he will watch over you forever.  We lived with him the first two and a half years of your life.  You two always had your special time together.  When you were first born, he would come and hold you for a little while every evening after he came home from work.  As you got older, he would take you for walks or to play outside for a little bit every day.  When you learned to talked, you called him "Crappa".  Whenever he would come home, you would run to the front door with your arms wide open and yell "Craaaaappa!" and he would imitate you and yell "Alannaaaah!".  Even after we moved from Grandpa's house, we still saw him quite often.  You loved going to his house and spending time with him.  He always made sure to come visit if it had been a while since he'd seen you.  For your fourth birthday, he got you a really pretty charm bracelet.  I'm so glad he gave you that special bracelet before he passed away.  Grandpa put two charms on it, an "A" and some ballet slippers.  Mommy and daddy will continue to put charms on it in Grandpa's honor.  One of the last times we spend with Grandpa, was spent at his house on a Sunday afternoon.  We swam in his new spa (pool-size for you) and had dinner over there.  Before we left, you and Grandpa spent a long time sitting on the couch together.  You were showing him all of your silly pictures and movies on your phone (the ipod that Grandpa got you).  He was amazed at how quickly you learned to use it and everything you knew how to do.  He was always amazed at how smart you are. 

Even though he only got to spend a little more than four years with you, he gave you enough love for a lifetime.  I hope you will remember a least a little bit about him.  He will continue to be a part of our lives forever and will live in our hearts. 

My Dad

My dad passed away very suddenly a few weeks ago.  He had a massive stroke on Sunday, May 20th and left us on May 23rd.  This was so unexpected and has devastated us all.  My dad was healthy and young. He was only 56.  He just got married in Hawaii in March.  It doesn't make sense, but I know everyone has a time to leave.  Though he had a lot of life left in him, and we all wanted so much more time with him, it was his time to leave us.  

I am trying to figure out how to live life without my dad here.  We were very close.  He was the best dad, father-in-law, grandpa, mentor, and friend.  It is almost impossible to comprehend the fact that I will never talk to him again.  He was such a good man.  There is not a person in the world that has a bad thing to say about him.  I guess it's true what they say...only the good die young.  I was off work for a little over three weeks.  I went back yesterday and it was very hard.  It doesn't seem like normal life should go on without my dad here.

We had his services this past Sunday.  We had a beautiful service and reception.  My dad's wife found the perfect spot to bury him under a giant palm tree.  I didn't want to leave him there,  I just want him back, but it is the perfect spot for him.  I spoke at his funeral.  It was hard, but I wanted to do it.  This is what I said:

Saying goodbye to my dad is by far the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with.  Most of you that know me, know that I was a daddy’s girl growing up, and as an adult, my dad became one of my best friends.  We could communicate without words and shared a sense of humor that most people didn’t get.  I know how lucky I was to have him as my father.  He taught me to be open-minded and gave me life lessons that I will keep with me forever.  He was the best dad a girl could ask for.  He was also a father figure to my best friends and became a second dad to my husband. 

Throughout all of this, the common thing that almost everyone has said to me about my dad is “your dad was a good man” or “your dad had a good heart”.  I’ve known that my whole life.  His heart was so good in fact, that it is now giving someone else life.  It is a comfort to me to know that my dad’s heart is beating in someone else.  I hope that person shares my dad’s kindness, sense of humor, and love of life.  And I wouldn’t be surprised if that person started drinking iced tea every day and putting salt on everything he or she eats.    

We had plans to do so many things together and he had many plans for the rest of his life.  We were supposed to go to Vegas this summer to celebrate me and Josh’s 30^th birthdays.  We were thinking of a family trip to Hawaii next year.  While it will be very hard to do those things without him, I know that my dad wants me to continue to live a full and happy life.   And I know that he will be with me wherever I go.  I have felt him with me and felt his presence since he left us.     

My heart is selfishly broken for myself.  I wanted more time with him.  But it hurts more for my daughter who only had a little more than four years with him.  He was supposed to see her grow up and give me advice as she gets older.  I wish she had more time with him so that she could really experience what an amazing man he was.  They were so close and he loved Alannah so much.  I joked that after she was born, I got pushed to second place.  Alannah is a lot like her grandpa.  I tell her that she has his brain.  She is very smart, has a kind heart, has an amazing memory, and is funny just like her grandpa.  I hope that even though she is only four years old, that her incredible memory will help her remember her grandpa and the special bond that they shared. 

My heart also hurts for Cindy, who was supposed to have many, many more years with my dad.  My dad has always been a happy guy, but these last couple of years with Cindy, are the happiest I have seen him in a long time.  I know this is supposed to be about my dad, but I would like to take a moment to thank Cindy for making the last years of my dad’s life so happy for him.  I wish more than anything that you two could have had more time together, but I am thankful you have come into our lives and you will forever be family.  I am so thankful that my dad was able to spend the time with you that he did.    

I will miss everything about my dad.  He was typically the first person I turned to for advice.  He knew everything.  I even tried to get him to go on Jeopardy several years ago, since he watched it every night and knew all the answers, but he didn’t want to.   He had a rational mind and always knew the right solution to everything.  I will miss his cooking and our Sunday dinners.  I wish he had written his recipes down, but he stored most of them in his head.  But I think what I will miss most is our joking and teasing.  Josh and I had a lot of inside jokes with my dad and we were constantly all teasing each other.  We would text or email random things to each other and go back and forth with our silly banter.  I will miss that dad.  Please don’t stop joking with me.  By the way, the Old Spice bottle is now yours forever.  Funny, funny, ha ha.  We thought the other thing would be too inappropriate to put in there with you. 

I hope you are enjoying paradise dad.  I close my eyes and can see you sitting on a beach with Missy by your side and a cold drink in your hand.  Have one waiting for me.  We’ll all be together again one day.          

He is Gone 

You can shed tears that he is gone,

Or you can smile because he lived,

You can close your eyes and pray that he will come back,

Or you can open your eyes and see all that he has left.

Your heart can be empty because you can't see him

Or you can be full of the love that you shared,

You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,

Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.

You can remember him and only that he is gone

Or you can cherish his memory and let it live on,

You can cry and close your mind, be empty and

turn your back,

Or you can do what he would want,

smile, open your eyes, love and go on.

Rest in paradise dad.  I miss you more than I ever knew I could miss someone.  

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